Klee
Klee was the 13th and youngest son of Feh, and a descendant of Bertbert. His borthers were Klough, Kluff, Klau, Klimt, Kleft, Klak, Klink, and five sons all of whom he named Kloppenhomwinwitz, because he could not think of another name. Klee was his favorite son and his name means "give me more like this one". He was the most responsible of his brothers, caring their father's FwaCattle. He was the only who would listen to Feh saying the legends Feb Pee had told him of Father and Quater, while the others avoided work, dreaming of ways to spend their inheritance as soon as their father died. Klee tended the family herd with such care that many thought it was his own. It was the largest herd of FwaCattle in the nation of Fwah Ah next to the Emperor's. He would often report to his father of how his brothers abused the herd and often secretly sold FwaGerkins for their own profit. To show his appreciation, Feh made a fine pair of shorts for him, after from the hide of his finest FwahCalf. His brothers considered Klee an obstacle to their fun, so when Klee boldly told his lazy brothers that he was dreaming of being Emperor of Fwah Ah, after much plotting, they found a way to get rid of Klee. When Klee came to check up on them on the Plains of Choppen, he was grabbed and sewn (and his fine shorts) to the back of a FwaBull. Both were traded to some Choppenpops for some stewed pods, and claimed to their father that he was killed. The Choppenpops didn't notice Klee sewn and traded the FwaBull to the Emperor's herdsmen for a pack of Gaza Smokes. While the Imperial herdsmen scrubbed the FwaCattle, as they did daily, they noticed Klee crying. He was released to the custody of Portenchipa, the Emperor's bodyguard. As Portenchipa's butler, Klee showed his usual responsibility and care of the house and household matters. Portenchipa would have been jealous of how Klee did a better job than himself would, but he enjoyed the spare time too much. As Portenchipa was oten absent on many trips with the Emperor, his wife, Pettenpipa, started making eyes at Klee the way she should only be making eyes at her husband. Klee warned her with the warning his mother always used: "If you don't stop making eyes like that, they're going to get stuck that way". Pettenpipa kept making eyes at Klee, until they got stuck. She lied to Portenchipa that night that Klee had dressed up like Portenchipa just to get her to make eyes at him. Portenchipa beat Klee to within a foot span of his life, then threw him into jail. Klee once again prospered because of his faithful conduct. The jailer beat Klee to within a half foot span of his life, and then he put Klee in charge of all the prisoners who were in the jail. The jailer didn't have to supervise anything under Klee's charge as whatever Klee did always prospered. Klee often told the other prisoners the stories of Father and Quater that he had heard as a boy. They were joined by the Emperor's nephew, who had offended the Emperor by besting him at liver juggling. He was deprivated by his status as Emperor's nephew, who, furious, gave it to some guy who happened to be walking by. Klee was down hearted to see that the former-nephew had trouble sleeping tossing and turning all night long. He had Bed-head and there was no one to interpret it. As in the Kingdom of Feb Bed-head interpretations are used to foretell the future, Klee relied to Quater for its interpretation and told him that the Emperor will restore him to the position of Emperor's nephew and have you released from jail. He also asked him to do a favor by mentioning him to the Emperor, as he was in fact kidnapped and did nothing to put him into jail. Indeed, it came to happen as Klee said, and the guy to whom was given the "nephew status", was thrown in jail instead. The Emperor's nephew forgot Klee. One morning after 2 full years, the Emperor woke up with Bed-head. No interpreter could interpret it to the Emperor. Then the nephew mentioned the Fwah Ah youth in the jail. Then Klee was brought out, shaved from head to toe (that is how one was presented to the Emperor in those days) and changed his clothes. Klee interpreted the arrival of a terrible drought that would cause sky-rocketing inflation and a shortage of FwaGerkins and FepGerkins, throw the land into a panic, raise prices and drop interest rates. But not before a huge surplus of FepGerkins. The Emperor said, "Wow! All that was in my Bed-head?" and "Can you believe a man like this guy Klee?" and made him prime minister over all the land of Fep. He appointed overseers in charge of the land and exacted a fifth of the FepGerkins in the time of surplus, stored up, and guarded as a reserve during the drought. He also took off his shorts and put them on Klee. Klee rode on the Emperor's second vehicle and without his permission no one in the land of Fep would raise his hand, foot or left eyebrow. Moreover the Emperor gave him Gail, the daughter of a guy he beat in a game of wagon-hurling the previous day. After the period of surplus, Feh's land dried-up and the FwaHerds wandered away, and a shortage of FwaGerkins threw the land of Fwah Ah into a panic. As those in Fwah Ah hate FepGerkins, they dreaded the odious FepAftertaste, but they realized they would have to choke them down (and most likely vomit a few times after eating the first three or four) or face certain starvation. Feh's sons were forced to trek out to Fep and trade their prized ChoppenMettle statues for FepGerkins. Klee was the one who sold to all the people of the land. When his brothers came and bowed down to him, Klee recognized them, but disguised himself and spoke with cotton in his cheeks. They ordered 12.5 cases of FepGerkins, and Klee gave orders to fill the cases with shorts of great value. They loaded their FwaOxen and departed from there. At the border, Klee had his police stop his brothers. Klough handed over the receipt to the officer and let the police search the cases, and all were surprised to see the pricesless shorts. They were escorted back to Klee's house. Klee invited them in and fed them delicious snacks prepared with FepGerkins. After having thrown up at least twice each, Klee had their cases of FepGerkins filled with the finest FepShoelaces, worn only by the Emperor's family. After dinner they were released, but at the border they were stopped again. Again the FepShoelaces were discovered and escorted to Klee's house, who invited them in and had them join him in the pool. They swam and while they were in the sauna, Klee had their cases of FepGerkins filled with priceless gauges. After they had all dried off, they were released but at the border they were stopped by the police, and the precious gauges discovered and escorted back to Klee's house, who had them come in and watch a play performed in mime in his private home theater, then he had them spend the night. While they were sleeping, he had their cases filled with hewminallinterfatch (which is a lot like a food). In the morning, after breakfast, Klee released them, but Klau, the smartest brother, asked to look in the cases of FepGerkins. Indeed he found the hewminallinterfatch. Klee then revealed who he is, his brothers said "Who?" then he took the cotton balls out of his cheeks and told them the whole story. Klee's brothers went back to Fwah Ah and returned to Fep with their father, Feh., who lived there for only a few years until Quater eventually smote him with a bolt of energy. In all, the Feh family lived in Fep 410 years. Klee, having become ruler of all the land of Fep, was compelled by his people to change his name to Fay Nee, which means, "Most of which still do not agree." Fay Nee begat Fay Nee. category:Bertbert